Being a Willing Vessel- Right Here, Right Now

For the past year or so, I have felt somewhat trapped. I have struggled with my job as JUST a Stay-At-Home-Mom. I have felt envious of my hubby's adult conversations and 'human' contact. I have felt lonely., unsure of what more this job requires and counting down the days (5,870) until my youngest two are out of the house- on to college, apartment living or whatever, just out of my house! LOL

A few months back I sat down with a dear sister at church (a more mature sister-in age, spirit and motherhood) and shared with her my feelings. Which included wondering how God can use me since I am trapped in my home most days. I felt God had called me to ministry, why I am just a SAHM? What is next for me and when?

She shared with me something and I haven't forgotten it. She said "Verlina, you ARE in ministry~ Full Time Children's Ministry. Is there a better place to be right now than pouring into your kids, directing their eyes to Christ and nurturing them to be solid, born-again, on-fire people of God?"

I cried. How could I over look the awesome privilege that God has given me to be on the front lines of battle for my kids and be able to pour into them, teach them, train them in His ways.

LORD FORGIVE ME!

I can't say that every moment of everyday I am totally okay with my feeling. I still have my 'poor-me pity party' (forgive me for not sending out invitations!) but I have an understanding now like I never truly did before:

God has me in just the right place for just the right time.

Maybe at some point in life God will call me away from home to an outside job. Maybe the day will come when God has us send the kids to school and stop with the homeschooling (and honestly, my heart goes both ways sometime- I pray to stay, I pray to go. I pray to be home, I pray to work a 'real' -as some would say- job) but for now, I can truly say that I am content with where God has me and I will do my best to be a willing vessel He can use.

MY PRAYER:
Lord, I can only offer what I have, though it be little, it is yours. You took the small lunch of a young boy who offered in willingly and fed a crowd of hungry people, I trust that you can use my small offering to touch those whom you have placed before me- My Children. Lord help me to be the best I can for them, for you and for their dad. I am willing to work with all my heart, serving right where you have me, for You. Thank you for the opportunity I so often took for granted. thank you for allowing me to be a home educator and a mother to my kids 24/7. I am not just a SAHM, I am a blessed women in Full Time Children's Ministry!
In Jesus Name, Amen

I encourage you to ask God confirm where He wants you at this point in life,
and then be a willing vessel that He can use.

SAHM or Full Time MInistry?

I have recently been a little discouraged. (Yes, all of us go through it!)

I have been a SAHM since my first born came home. I did a little part-time work through Christmas season, but other than that, I have been blessed to be home with them to raise them the way God has lead my hubby and I to do so.
Well, recently I have been questioning God with why I am home!?! Why I am homeschooling my kids? Why am I stuck in the house, for days in a row, with 5 kids and no vehicle to go anywhere? What difference am I making? Am I making a difference? What differences should I be making? Am I doing all this right? Is this what You have for me to do? I thought you called me into full time ministry... when do I start?

Well, I have had a heavy heart recently... all this questions and thoughts weighing me down. I've complained to God, sometimes I found myself complaining out loud. I've questioned God, again, out loud. I've even given God my 'What-I-Want-To-Be-When-I-Grow-Up' list that I have written, re-written and re-written again for many years. (I keep changing my mind!)

I had a talk last night with an wiser, more mature Christian mom, who has been there, done that and has her lists of 'I Did This Good' and 'I Would Change This'. I explained my feelings to her and the Holy Spirit totally spoke through her last night.

Something she said but didn't say was this: 'You are not JUST a SAHM- You are in full time Children's Ministry.'

She didn't say it in those words, but that is what the Holy Spirit quickened in my heart.

And it is SO true!

As SAHMs, we are not JUST an order-to-cook chef, a housekeeper, a chauffeur, a nurse, a teacher, a referee, a coach, a librarian, a personal secretary, a tailor, a pet-keeper, a on-call mom, a instruction manual reader, a counselor, a dietitian and a 'encourager'. We are in Full Time Childern's Ministry. We teach Bible Lessons. We lead our childern in prayer (how many times a day?). We read them scripture, explain to them what it means. We compare God to their daddy and open there eyes to see God in a new light.

The food, the clothing, the teaching of school subjects is all important... but God has shown me that teaching my kids His Word is just as important. Being an example to my kids of God's love, grace, mercy and forgiveness is important in my kids learning and being open to learning about God.

If I am always yelling (which I do have my days!) then how can my kids be willing to learn about a God that I say is patient and gives us patience? If I am always tired (which I have my days) then how can my kids be willing to learn about a God that I say is strong and gives us strength to face each day?

SO... I need to make sure as a mom that I am in Gods presence allowing Him to give me patience, to strenthen me to face my day (whatever it may hold). I need to be in God's word recieving His grace and understanding so that I can effectively share it with my kids.

I will admit- I haven't been in God's Word lately. I haven't taken time out of my day to stop my Martha chores and spent time at Jesus' fett with a Mary Heart.

I know I need to. And I am going to start- RIGHT NOW!

Blessings,
A Praying Mom